“You can decorate absence however you want – but you’re still gonna feel what’s missing.” -Siobhan Vivian
Decorating absence? Something I never thought possible. But if they say such a sentence, it means there are people who does decorate it. That makes me wonder, what if I do decorate the absence that is my life as well? No, not possible! I’ve been feeling the absence of this feeling I cannot name since I ever remember. And there has been days when I cried for losing what I never had. I never had the luxury of decorating it. I had to deal with it raw. I had to feel it in my blood and bones. This void that has been there since I remember it… you ask what it is? This absence, this void I’ve been rambling on about? The truth is I have forgotten… you see, when the feelings are strong, when the grief is grave, the reasons start to slip away, the reality changes from that particular feeling to its absence and then very slowly the only thing that remains is the absence… absence of what? You don’t know, you just know someday in the past, somewhere in your heart, there was something so precious you thought living without it impossible and today there is a black abyss instead. You just don’t remember what was its story, you just know it is there with no explanation… just like an unsolved murder mystery.
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